i'm tired

things have been rough, i will admit that. but i wish that they would go back to the way they had used to be. where i didn't have a worry at all, where i could be strong. but it seems like i've been dwindling down some. i don't know what my problem. i'm just glad that sam is here to help me along the way. i think that with out him, i would be someplace dark. things really need to lighten up more. i am tired of all the dark, tired of how the weather makes me feel down all the time, how i feel so emotional, insecure about things, feeling like nothing i do seems right, how i feel left out and in the backseat at times. i just want the sun to shine and things to go back to normal. the feeling of happiness and love.

i'm sorry i just needed to rant really babdly about things...and this seemed like the only way that i could do it

About him

like it always seems, i don't post for the longest time, and things happen. I can be proud to say that in less than a week i will be celebrating my seven month anniversary with the most amazing guy in the world. And i know it seems like in every post i say that, but what can i say. I became truly blessed when he came into my life. He is the sun that burns with in me on those cold days in winter. Yes we do have our occasional bumps in the road, but seriously, most couple do. We have really only had one big one, and it has only made us stronger because of it. I know that at times we seem frustrated or angry at one another, but we love each other so much. that is what matters. In about about 9 days, i get to take him to formal, I am so happy about that. its going to be a night to remember for us ^^ to dance into the night and just stare into his handsome eyes. When ever i look into them, they make me melt. the way that they look at me, love warmth, but also lust at times. he does know how to make a girl melt into a puddle.

I love you baby boy

my life in 200 words or less

wow i haven't been on much to update in a while. i guess life just tends to get me busy for the time being and its not till about a few days later that i realize, i need to do something about it. So much has happened in the last couple of weeks that have been surprising. I found myself to be celibrating 5 months with my boyfriend just last friday. and i'm so proud to say that we are going to have many more. Last night i got to spend an amazing night with him. ( and he knows why). Than i found that the other day, we not only got a new manger at work. but the one who has been so dis respectful to me, is now fired. life must have been good, because its nice at work now. though i can't say that i like my new boss much. i need the money...... i won't go there but lets just say that right now life is just a little hard at the home front.. but we will make it through

A life on a whim

A life can change on a whim. i just don't want mine to at the moment. I don't want to ruin the life my boyfriend has set up for himself, his dreams. Yes dreams can be put on hold, but i would never want to do that to him. i love him so much, that i don't want to ruin anything set for him. Its how i am. Things will be ok babe i promise.

essay

So for this new college class that i have been taking, our first essay we are to write has to deal with a life quote that you live by. Mine is "What doesn't kill me only makes me stronger" and its true. But the problem i have with this essay, is that its making me dig deeper into my past. I haven't always had a bright past. And there are things that i don't want to really come out with. I don't know, i just go back to those days and remember everything i went through. How i became so isolated with myself i just didn't know what to do. Thinking of it brings back memories i just don't want to face and i lash out. i wish i never had them. And i feel bad for sam, he has to deal with me like this. Its not fair for him. I try hard to work on the things that for so long, i was told it was my fault. So i always have to say sorry. its how i was taught. I just need to work harder.
well signing off.....
Ally

Whats the point in this?

have you ever looked around yourself and ever noticed how sometimes, you just don't fit in. Well i have noticed that. Or more or less it dawned on me tonight while i was working. I'm the only white teenage girl at my work. In total, there are three white people working in the whole faciluty. And i feel really out of place there. I barely work with them and most of the time, i work with the others. It feels very weird when your the only one, who speaks english, and everyone else is speaking spanish. Now understand, i'm not at all rasict at all. I'm far from that. I just feel so out of place there. I've also noticed that i have like maybe three to five friends there. But i never really get to work with them. Tonight i was working and teo of my co- workers came in to order, well i had to take they're order. And the whole time, it was like i was invisible to them. Now mind you, i have worked with these two many times before. but this time i just felt like shit. Plus tonight i really found somethings out about my boss and others. things that i don't really like at all.

my Baby

so today i went into portland to see my grandfather and my boyfriend went with me. i felt that it was time for one important man in my life to meet the other.

and on the topic of my boyfriend, sam. what can i say, this is the man that i love. he means the world to me. he is the first thing that i think of when i wake up, the last thing that i think of when i go to bed, and hes just always on my mind. i feel like a little girl when i'm around him. he makes me have all these butterflies. i love him so much. he has made me that happiest person alive and he is my sunshine^^

I love you sam

amazing guy

i can't believe that i got so lucky! i have the most amazing boyfriend in the world. he is the one that makes me smile everyday, the one who can make me laugh even when i'm sad. The one who makes my heart skip a beat when he is near. i just wanted him to know this. i love you so very much sam^^ thank you for bringing me back to my oldself and making me the person i am today. I know that we sometimes have little ups ands down. but nothing to bad. your an amazing guy. i hope you know that.

what a post

not much has really happened much for me to blog about. Though i have to say that on sunday i celebrated my three month anniversary with my boyfriend. oh and last night i dyed my hair a dark burgandy color. other than that, my life has been filled with sam, famil, and friends.

what can i say...................

How many times do i have to break, till i shatter? thats a good question. To many people i seem like a person who can never be hurt or who is strong. But that is only a mask, i'm still human. I have emotins just like everyone else! just because i choose to hide them, doesn't make me weak or strong. Its my choose. Wearing a mask has been something that i have acustomed to wearing. When my father died it was devistating. And those of you, who have ever lost a parent, knows what i mean. For days i cried and from than on, my emotins where all over the place. Than in seventh grade i closed off all emotion except for happiness. I wore a mask everyday. People belived me to be always happy. so i just continued to wear it. it became a part of me. Than in eighth grade, my grandma died, and i cried all over again. And that mask came back up. I had to be strong, not only for myself, but for my mom and my sister. I dealt with it all in this. So many nights i just sat in my bed and wished that all pain and suffering would end. And so from there, i became strong. To me, tears were nothing but a nusance that had to die. I had never let people see me cry, it was a weakness.

Lately though, my emotions are as plain as day. Not only do my eyes reflect what i'm feeling, but they tell a lot. And they are looking so sad lately, because of one guy. He keeps trying to go after me, knowing full well that i'm taken. He tells me that he's not trying to break us up. YEAH RIGHT!!!!!!!!!! if he wasn't than he should stop with thoses messages about me "helping" him. Its not fair to me OR my boyfriend. It always seems to be that when i get to the happiest point in my life, someone has to ruin it, or try and bring me down some way. Thats why i started the entry the way i did. And all i'm worried about is my boyfriend. He's the one who has to deal with this. I'm getting so stressed out abot this guy. And i can't lie to sam. He knows when i'm lying cause of my eyes.......

sorry to all. i just really had to rant about this, since it just happened

just a rant

its just so.............................. i don't know at the moment. my life can be going so well and than BOOM!, something happens and i get sad again. I just wish that time would move on and i wasn't stuck in what felt like the house of hell. Don't get me wrong everything outside of home is fine, but its whats inside that not many people really know about. Its not so bad except for the verbal and emotional stuff that i have to go through from time to time. It never fails with me, i can't be the perfect child. And there is no way that i can be. I am who i am. if you can't accept that, than you can't accept me for me.

I'm getting tired of all the fights that have been going on here. I'm tired of living in my room and having to walk on egg shells, just because my step mom has a huge stick up her arse. She just needs to leave and not come back. we can make it on our own with no problem

DRAMA NEEDS TO END!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok so right now i'm just going to go off. so please forgive me if i don't sound sensitive or what not, but i'm getting so tired of having to deal with everyone eles problems!!!! i may be a mother at heart to everyone. But my god! you knew there might not be a chance of you getting back with him. Don't get all flippen moppy about it. Instead, try to see the damn positive in it! you might actually find someone better out there. And don't give the crap, that you gave him your heart. I know that you did, but if he doesn't want it, you still have it and in time it comes back to you. I'm sorry to all that read this, i'm really not that in sensitive, i'm just getting tired of this certain friends "broken heart" drama. Thats all its been this whole school year and summer. And guess who has to pick up the peices each time she gets hurt. I do! because i'm like a mom to her. But i'm getting done, with the fact that she'll ask for help and i give her what i can. yet she won't take it, knowing full well that it will.

I got to get off this subject. sorry to all again. but i just really had to rant about this, cause it was really starting to piss me off

just like a fairy tale

so i haven't been on lately for the simple fact is, that i'm now working. I like my job, but it wasn't my first choice. Things have been ok, i can tell that one of my co workers don't like me. I really don't know why though, i haven't done anything to her. but all well i guess. i'm just worried that i'm not going to be able to spend time with my bf.

my step mom is being a b***h about things. she thinks that all i do is spend time with him, thats not true. i spend time with my friends and everything. and another thing that seems to be eating her is the age difference between him and i. its only about one or two years depending on the time. its just bugging me.

well i got to go

love ally

seems like day and night

not much really to say at the moment. its about midnight and i have a lot on my mind. i guess i won't be getting any sleep tonight thanks to the amount of stress that i have been under lately. Though i do have to say that thanks to my boyfriend. I'm not as stressed. Thanks to an amazing date tonight babe had fun.

But now for you all to really understand the shit that i have been going through at home lately has caused me to have less sleep, i have felt that at times it has put a strain on my relationship ( but thanks to a really understanding boyfriend, i don't have to worry about things), been having to watch what i do or say every minute, and i have thought of just leaving my mom for a few days to escape my step mom.

So all of this is going down for one damn reason. And thats because i don't have a job. Reason for it is because not a lot of people have been hiring. But i did get some good news today. Two of the places that i turned apps into are hiring. So i'm expecting a call sometime tomorrow and friday. I hope to get either one really. Though i was hoping for the job at coldstone. At this point i don't care. As long as it gets my step mom off my back.

Because in all honesty, i'm tired of all the shit that goes on here. I shouldn't have to hide what i do or anything. Yet with her here thats all i do. Plus everyday i seem to be getting in trouble. Its bullshit!!!!! Sorry that i'm not perfect! That i'm not what you want me to be! I just want her to be gone and out of our lives. i'm tired of watching my mom hurt over her. And because over her, i did the one thing that i swore i would never do......

not much of a title

so its the weekend, and its been pretty borring. Though i have had some fun. On friday i got to have one of my best friends come over and we got to hang out for a while before we went swimming. It was nice getting to see her and talk to her. Later we went swimming were she met up with another one of my best friends and her brother. which happens to be my friends crush. so i spent the whole time there watching her flirt with him, and what not. My friend sammy and i discussed our trip up to OSU this coming friday. Which is going to be fun since its both of ours dream school. saturday i dealt with my step mom being in complete bitch mode.... and i got to escape for a while i went to look whose on third with some friends and was there for a while. When i came home i really didn't do much ecxpet text my friends and bf. Now its sunday and i'm waiting for it to be six so i can see my boyfriend. we have a small thing planned for tonight ^^ not only for us, but for our families to get to know each other

An amazing day

well really my title can't even describe the last couple of days. But i can honestly say that lately i have been sitting at the highest peak. I got to hang out with him today, and it was simply amazing. but every day with him is amazing. We hung out at my place and watched one of his favorite movies, did a little making out, and talked about things.

I know that lately all that my blog has been about is my boyfriend, but really has truely made me so happy. He really means a lot to me. He has been there for me when i really needed someone, and he has seen me in my darkest hour. something that i don't like letting people see. but he didn't run like most people.

Babe i just want you to know, its been two amazing months and its going to be many more of them to come. Each day our love grows so much stronger and like you said. only time is standing with us for that day to come. ^^

I love you sam

coming home, a re-cap of the weekend

so i finally get to come home today. right now though i'm at my friends grandparents house waiting to go home. Its been nice to be able to to go camping. Thats our thing together. each summer thats what we look foreward to,. it doesn't matter how crapy the school year has gotten or how good its going. we are always looking forward to it. ^^ lol.
so this is how the camping trip went:
we got there late, and i swear that by the time that we got there the bugs just wanted a taste of us. cause the moment that i stepped out of the car i got eaten alive!!! after that we pitched our tent and got ready for bed. The next day we got into our bikini's and went straight for the water, it was already like 100 degrees out. so on friday we stayed in the watre for a while, later as the day went on i was missing my boyfriend, but we stayed in the water. that night we made smores and all the good stuff. momo, rii, and i decided to hang out down at the party camp. somewhat of a good idera but not quite. Than on saturday, we stayed the whole day in our bikini's and i got a little burnt. well little doesn't cut it...... and my poor boobs got some sun. later in the day, cody, momo, rii. aunt sara, aunt linda, and i went out in the boat and we all got to drive it. it was so much fun!!!!! though momo had to break the boat on our way back in. lol. when we finally got back to the beach i went back up to the camp cause i was hugry since i hadn't eaten anything all day and i had been swimming all day and being in the sun. Well by than rii, momo, and i got changed and went down to a private beach to be alone, well.......... we went back out in the water in our close and rii and i sort of decided to have some fun... and skinny dip. lol
than came to be sunday. we packed up and left, all of us girls having bikini tans and all that good stuff. now i'm sitting in teh house waiting to go home and being able to be with my boyfriend.!!!!!
through out it all i had a lot of fun and what not, and i'm glad that i got to talk with sam for a while!!!!

oh and the new camp rule is now: we are not allowed to take phones with us the next time we go camping.

Dad is being a huge ass about things and being pissy :(

calling you

so when i went away to camp my boyfriend wrote me a letter and on the back of the letter he wrote down some of his favorite love song lyrics. well when i got home i wanted to listen to one of the songs, and now i have to say that its my favorite song, i would almost call it "our song"

Calling you by Blue october

There's something that I can't quite explain
I'm so in love with you
You'll never take that away
And if I've said it a hundred times before
Expect a thousand more
You'll never take that away

So expect me to be
Calling you to see
If you're okay when I'm not around
Asking if you love me
I love the way you make it sound
Calling you to see
Do I try too hard to make you smile?
To make a smile

[Chorus]
I will keep calling you to see
If you're sleeping, are you dreaming
If you're dreaming, are you dreaming of me
I can't believe you actually picked me

I thought that the world had lost it's sway
(It's so hard sometimes)
Then I fell in love with you
(Then came you)
And you took that away
It's not so difficult
The world is not so difficult
You take away the old
Show me the new
And I feel like I can fly when I stand next to you
So while I'm on this phone
A hundred miles from home
I'll take the words you gave and send them back to you

I only want to see
If you're okay when I'm not around
Asking if you love me
I love the way you make it sound
Calling you to see
Do I try too hard to make you smile?
To make a smile

i love this song. thank you babe ^^

camping

today has been the absoulotly the best day ever. thanks to my boyfriend, i don't know how i got this lucky, but i have to say that i am one lucky girl. not only did i get to spend like the whole day with sam, but i also got to go hang out with one of my best friends today over at the college since she gets to have visitations on wedsndays ^^

so the out look of the next couple days look like this

Thursday: finish packing and doing chores before i leave, text my boyfriend, leave for friends house, pack the trailer, leave for cresent lake

Friday: wake up, swim, miss my boy, tan (maybe burn), talk with momo, fire

saturday: same as friday

Sunday: maybe pack up and go to kitties grandma's house

Monday: i might come home.

so yeah thats what the next couple of days look like.

Turkey Rama?

so i'm sittting in my livingroom watching tv and doing nothing. i feel so bored and i want it to be 12:30 already. i get to see my boy then. ^^ We're going to walk around this boring town i call Mcminnville...

Speaking of how boring this town is, i found some news out yesterday that really makes me mad. So once a year during the summer, normally around july. we have this thing called Turkey Rama. Its somehting that is huge for this town. we have singers come in for entertainment, venders for shoppers, and than we have rides for the teens and younger kids. Well the news that i found, was that now they're going to call it "Look whose on third". Really stupid i think, and the other thing is, they're getting rid of all the rides. WTF for teens and younger kids thats like the best part of Turkey Rama, and now we don't get to enjoy them....... grrrrrrr!

first blog

ok so this is going to be my first blog, so don't hate me if it sucks. I'm going to at least try it out. lol.
I guess i should tell you a little about myself.
I'm going to be 17 in a few months and i'm super happy about that. I'm also going to be a junior this fall. um...... i'm 5'8" with long curly dark brown hair, and honey brown eyes. I play a lot of sports, my favorites would be volleyball and softball. though i do like to sometimes play basketball and football.
My friends say that i have a firey attitude. i guess i do, since i'm a leo. I'm pretty simple and fun to be around. I'm also the mother of my group. people tend to turn to me when they need help or any advice.
last off i have an amazing boyfriend. he makes me so happy and i'm always smiling because of him.