i'm tired

things have been rough, i will admit that. but i wish that they would go back to the way they had used to be. where i didn't have a worry at all, where i could be strong. but it seems like i've been dwindling down some. i don't know what my problem. i'm just glad that sam is here to help me along the way. i think that with out him, i would be someplace dark. things really need to lighten up more. i am tired of all the dark, tired of how the weather makes me feel down all the time, how i feel so emotional, insecure about things, feeling like nothing i do seems right, how i feel left out and in the backseat at times. i just want the sun to shine and things to go back to normal. the feeling of happiness and love.

i'm sorry i just needed to rant really babdly about things...and this seemed like the only way that i could do it

About him

like it always seems, i don't post for the longest time, and things happen. I can be proud to say that in less than a week i will be celebrating my seven month anniversary with the most amazing guy in the world. And i know it seems like in every post i say that, but what can i say. I became truly blessed when he came into my life. He is the sun that burns with in me on those cold days in winter. Yes we do have our occasional bumps in the road, but seriously, most couple do. We have really only had one big one, and it has only made us stronger because of it. I know that at times we seem frustrated or angry at one another, but we love each other so much. that is what matters. In about about 9 days, i get to take him to formal, I am so happy about that. its going to be a night to remember for us ^^ to dance into the night and just stare into his handsome eyes. When ever i look into them, they make me melt. the way that they look at me, love warmth, but also lust at times. he does know how to make a girl melt into a puddle.

I love you baby boy

my life in 200 words or less

wow i haven't been on much to update in a while. i guess life just tends to get me busy for the time being and its not till about a few days later that i realize, i need to do something about it. So much has happened in the last couple of weeks that have been surprising. I found myself to be celibrating 5 months with my boyfriend just last friday. and i'm so proud to say that we are going to have many more. Last night i got to spend an amazing night with him. ( and he knows why). Than i found that the other day, we not only got a new manger at work. but the one who has been so dis respectful to me, is now fired. life must have been good, because its nice at work now. though i can't say that i like my new boss much. i need the money...... i won't go there but lets just say that right now life is just a little hard at the home front.. but we will make it through

A life on a whim

A life can change on a whim. i just don't want mine to at the moment. I don't want to ruin the life my boyfriend has set up for himself, his dreams. Yes dreams can be put on hold, but i would never want to do that to him. i love him so much, that i don't want to ruin anything set for him. Its how i am. Things will be ok babe i promise.

essay

So for this new college class that i have been taking, our first essay we are to write has to deal with a life quote that you live by. Mine is "What doesn't kill me only makes me stronger" and its true. But the problem i have with this essay, is that its making me dig deeper into my past. I haven't always had a bright past. And there are things that i don't want to really come out with. I don't know, i just go back to those days and remember everything i went through. How i became so isolated with myself i just didn't know what to do. Thinking of it brings back memories i just don't want to face and i lash out. i wish i never had them. And i feel bad for sam, he has to deal with me like this. Its not fair for him. I try hard to work on the things that for so long, i was told it was my fault. So i always have to say sorry. its how i was taught. I just need to work harder.
well signing off.....
Ally

Whats the point in this?

have you ever looked around yourself and ever noticed how sometimes, you just don't fit in. Well i have noticed that. Or more or less it dawned on me tonight while i was working. I'm the only white teenage girl at my work. In total, there are three white people working in the whole faciluty. And i feel really out of place there. I barely work with them and most of the time, i work with the others. It feels very weird when your the only one, who speaks english, and everyone else is speaking spanish. Now understand, i'm not at all rasict at all. I'm far from that. I just feel so out of place there. I've also noticed that i have like maybe three to five friends there. But i never really get to work with them. Tonight i was working and teo of my co- workers came in to order, well i had to take they're order. And the whole time, it was like i was invisible to them. Now mind you, i have worked with these two many times before. but this time i just felt like shit. Plus tonight i really found somethings out about my boss and others. things that i don't really like at all.

my Baby

so today i went into portland to see my grandfather and my boyfriend went with me. i felt that it was time for one important man in my life to meet the other.

and on the topic of my boyfriend, sam. what can i say, this is the man that i love. he means the world to me. he is the first thing that i think of when i wake up, the last thing that i think of when i go to bed, and hes just always on my mind. i feel like a little girl when i'm around him. he makes me have all these butterflies. i love him so much. he has made me that happiest person alive and he is my sunshine^^

I love you sam