Funk

As I sit here typing this, I think about my life and how I feel. Recently I have been in this funk and I just cant seem to get myself out of it. I am finding myself to be in more of "meh" mood then anything. When asked how I am, I always reply with a good or just fine. I wish that someone would just look at me and tell me that i'm not fine. That they can see through this mask I am putting on. 

This isn't who I am. Normally i'm bubbly and happy. Its just been recently that I have hit this funk. I want school to be over with so that way I can have a three month break, but at the same time I dread the thought of summer. I dont want my boyfriend to move away. I know thats selfish of me to say, and it is. Its just hard after suffering last summer and barely seeing each other. Just thinking of that makes me feel sad and a tightness in my chest begins to happen. I guess I am scared for what is to come. I feel like this thing is looming ever so close and i'm going to lose him. That is what is hardest for me. The thought of losing him. 

But then I begin to think, I dont want to be a burden on him. I know i'm not the easiest girlfriend because I love being with him, and when I dont get to see him, I just get frustrated and angry. So I start to think that maybe whats best for him is to not be with him. But then the water works happen and I know I couldnt do that. I love him with all of my heart and the thought of letting him go, just destroys me. 

All of these things are just thoughts in my head that I needed to get out. Dont take them all that seriously. I'm just in a state of funk where the worst tends to come forward.