A life on a whim

A life can change on a whim. i just don't want mine to at the moment. I don't want to ruin the life my boyfriend has set up for himself, his dreams. Yes dreams can be put on hold, but i would never want to do that to him. i love him so much, that i don't want to ruin anything set for him. Its how i am. Things will be ok babe i promise.

essay

So for this new college class that i have been taking, our first essay we are to write has to deal with a life quote that you live by. Mine is "What doesn't kill me only makes me stronger" and its true. But the problem i have with this essay, is that its making me dig deeper into my past. I haven't always had a bright past. And there are things that i don't want to really come out with. I don't know, i just go back to those days and remember everything i went through. How i became so isolated with myself i just didn't know what to do. Thinking of it brings back memories i just don't want to face and i lash out. i wish i never had them. And i feel bad for sam, he has to deal with me like this. Its not fair for him. I try hard to work on the things that for so long, i was told it was my fault. So i always have to say sorry. its how i was taught. I just need to work harder.
well signing off.....
Ally

Whats the point in this?

have you ever looked around yourself and ever noticed how sometimes, you just don't fit in. Well i have noticed that. Or more or less it dawned on me tonight while i was working. I'm the only white teenage girl at my work. In total, there are three white people working in the whole faciluty. And i feel really out of place there. I barely work with them and most of the time, i work with the others. It feels very weird when your the only one, who speaks english, and everyone else is speaking spanish. Now understand, i'm not at all rasict at all. I'm far from that. I just feel so out of place there. I've also noticed that i have like maybe three to five friends there. But i never really get to work with them. Tonight i was working and teo of my co- workers came in to order, well i had to take they're order. And the whole time, it was like i was invisible to them. Now mind you, i have worked with these two many times before. but this time i just felt like shit. Plus tonight i really found somethings out about my boss and others. things that i don't really like at all.