So as it stands, in just a little over two months my boyfriend will be moving to Portland, and once again we are having distance placed upon us. Sam received his PSU acceptance letter about a month ago, and as happy as I am for him, I'm still scared. I'm scared for the outcome of what could happen. Though I can already hear his voice now telling me not to worry at that there is no use worrying about the 'what ifs'. But that still does not calm my nerves nor my fear.
As of May 9 of this year, Sam and I will have been dating for three years. And what three years it has been. There has been many ups and downs, several hurts, and several happy times. We have had so much happen to us. Some would have called it quits long ago with all of the shit that we have both been through, but not us. We work through our problems and try to communicate with each other.
Communication. Now that should never be a problem with couples, but I could swear that that is a huge issue with Sam and myself. I feel like our communication is never clear for the other one. I know on his account he tends to assume everything for me and not really ask me. I tend to do the same with him, but that is something I have been working on. The second thing that really bugs me is the fact that he no longer opens up to me. Its like certain subjects have now become tabooed between us, and I dont like that. Especially when it comes to things like colleges and our relationship.
Now moving on to college's. As I said earlier, Sam has been accepted into PSU (Portland State University). And once again it places distance between us. He is going to be going to Portland as soon as I am moving back home. I'm scared for him to leave. I'm scared that he hasn't thought his plans all the way through. I just want whats best for him, and sometimes I feel like he sees it differently. And when it comes to moving away, comes the factor of trust.. I just dont know how I feel about this. Trust right now is rocky...
I can admit that I am scared and freaked out. It doesn't matter what one says, it will not stop me from worrying. I'm scared that the distance between us will cause us more problems. I'm beyond scared that another girl is going to come along and take him from me. I worry about if he will get a job in time for school. I worry for if he will really find a place to stay for school. I fear the thought of us being away and our relationship falling apart.
I guess all that I can do is think positive and see where life is going to place us. A famous author once said that if you love someone let them go, and that if they loved you, they will come back to you.
All I can say is that Sam, I love you with all of my heart. With every inch of my being and I hope everything you say will be true babe. And I'm sorry that you had to read all of this here, but it seems like this is the only way I can get you to see my fears and worries. I love you babe.. I hope you will still love me after all of this.
