lashing out

I'm done, I just cant continue to bottle up all my freaking feelings anymore. I'm angry, i'm hurt, i'm lonely, i'm done! I hate living so far away from people that i care about. I hate living in a hall with all girls, though i love them all, i can't do the whole estrogen thing here. I'm angry that i feel like i am doing every god damn thing here and receiving no help. I hurt because my family always promised to be there for me, and you know what, they aren't. I hate how i have been dumped off the end and told to swim for my life. I hate how i have to pretend to not be angry or to not be sad, when thats all i am feeling! I hate how i am far from my boyfriend! I hate how i feel our relationship is on the rocks. I hate how I become angry because he cant stand up for himself. I hate it all. College was supposed to be the good life, so far all i have seen has been nothing but struggle here. If thats all it is going to be, I don't want it. I just don't freaking care anymore. I don't!

Sure this all sounds like some whiny bitch crying out, but it's not. You have not stepped foot in my shoes to really feel how i am feeling or to see the fake smile that i place on my lips every single day.